It Can't Be Romance if there's No Consent!
It's an idea you see fiercely debated between readers who love and those who hate dubcon (dubious consent) and noncon (nonconsent) stories. Some readers will never be comfortable with the darker themes, and that's fine! I don't enjoy Daddy dom stories, or male/male.
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In real life, CONSENT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT CONCEPT IN SEX, PERIOD. Every single dark author I know is fierce supporter of consent in real life. (We may joke about being taken, but I guarantee if anyone tried it against our will we'd be kicking them in a very sensitive spot.)
I would argue that you have consent in even non-con books. It's the consent of the only person who matters - the reader.
This quote sums it up better than anything I can ever say:
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“Rape by its very definition is non-consensual, while a sexual fantasy, no matter how violent it may be, is always under the direction and control of the person having it. Rape is a deeply traumatic, often life-threatening, profound violation of a person’s being. It is a terrifying experience precisely because it is not consented to and the victim is disempowered. But, a fantasy is always a safe place, always under your own control and always being consented to. No matter how extensive your cast list may be, how dramatic the set, or how bizarre the plot, it is impossible not to consent to your own fantasy.”
In books, no matter what is happening to the character, if it gets to be too much for the reader, the real human being, she puts the book down.
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→ She stops what is happening ←
I've read books by my favorite authors where it just got too dark. I tried to keep going, but felt icky. I had to stop. The book no longer had my consent to tell me the story.
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Of course the scenario (non-consent leads to happily-ever-after) is completely unrealistic in real life. Writing about it, though, doesn't mean I condone it. AT ALL. But it's fiction. If you don't like it, you stop reading.
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“If you’d ever been raped, you wouldn’t feel that way.”
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For some women, that’s true. There will never be a book with nonconsent that they enjoy.
For others, that’s not true. These are thoughts I’ve collected after discussions with SA survivors.
- We get the control we didn’t have in real life.
- We get the revenge.
- We can see the bad guy lose.
- We can stop the SA from happening when we put down the book, which is something we couldn’t do in real life.
-We can read about characters changing into someone we can love and forgive, because a lot of us started out loving the men who hurt us and we grieve the loss of that trust and love.
- I don’t feel so alone when I read dark romance. It helps me sleep at night and not fear my husband.
- When the villain gets the girl and then helps her fight battles and becomes the kind of person she needs, it helps me feel like life, no matter how bad, holds the possibility of becoming better.
- When the SA is over in fiction, she isn’t left with years of scars and healing and fear, and that helps me know life will eventually be better for me, too.
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Repeated psychological studies have shown there is no scienctific basis for the puritanical shame and moral panic, which often includes a hefty dose of kinkphobia as well.
Women's rape fantasies: an empirical evaluation of the major explanations
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22544306/
Why some women fantasise about forceful sex, and why that’s nothing to be ashamed of
Why Are Rape Fantasies So Common?
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-myths-sex/202003/why-are-rape-fantasies-so-common
Women's erotic rape fantasies: An evaluation of theory and research.
https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2008-05921-009
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Did you watch and love The Game of Thrones, with its repeated themes of incest and rape? Did you ever watch Dexter and root for the serial killer? Did you enjoy the Godfather, and yet you would never want to live in a Mafia family like theirs?
We’re not so different, you and I.